Prattling on

When someone begins prattling on about something, even when its good advice, the bipolar side of me gets to stirring and every part of me just wants to scream ‘SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU MULLING COW I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE SAYING AND DONT YOU THINK THAT I HAVE TRIED THAT BEFORE AT SOME POINT IN MY 34 FUCKING YEARS ON THIS GOD DAMN PLANET…?” You see for me I get defeated easily at times, other times im a warrior and push through. But there are some times and cases in which I know what I should do, I know what I have to do, but I just “cant” do it for whatever reason. Be it the depression, the fact that I might not feel well that day, that i dont have the means to do it, or whatever. Sitting there listening to someone drone on and on and on when it is an easy fix in most cases, but when you dont feel like doing something or dont feel like you have the resources, or what have you, then it becomes an annoyance. I am typically the person who dishes out advice (some if not most times even if unasked) but there are times when I just need help. Most times when I complain about something its because I feel that I can not take care of it. And being told what you “need” to do, never really helps because YOU know what “needs” to be done, but for whatever reason you cant get it done. Sometimes the old “you cant help someone who cant help themselves” is bullshit. Sometimes people might not have the strength to help themselves. In this case right now, I dont have the strength or ability to help myself right now, and no one seems to understand that. And if they do understand, then they dont care, and I think that is worse.

Drinking and the Holidays

So there I was minding my own business when all of the sudden the drink makes me drunk! The last few days I have been in ultra party mode. It all began New Years Eve, which also happens to be my friends birthday. So this year they threw a HUGE bash. It had 2 live DJ’s port-a-pottys, and a ton of people.

Well I did some drinking during that party, but it was nothing to the likes of what I did on Jan 2nd. OMFG now I know why I typically eat before drinking. I only had a burger and that was at like 2:30pm that day and didnt have any dinner and showed up to my friends house for a little get together and ended up drinking like 5 Vodka Cranberries, 3 other vodka drinks, and something else. Well need very less to say Mr. Peterson was a very drunk person.

Insert the social experiment as I like to call it. Now I know that I was drunk. However, I was still mentally sharp, but the body had the wobbles. So as I became more and more intoxicated I took notice of how my body was reacting to the alcohol. Well about 2 hours into drinking and just having fun, it was time for the protein spills to begin. So that took up about 15 minutes at which time when I had finally collected myself I was able to tell people that I wanted to go home. So of course no one was sober, so they called me a cab. This is where it really begins to go. I stand by myself, like a drunk hooker on the side of the damn road waiting for at least 15 minutes for the damn cab to show up. The whole time seeing my house 1/2 a mile away.

So I turned on the flash light on my phone and began walking. Now mind you its winter in the Pacific Northwest, and its maybe 23 outside, and Im drunk, I hurt my knee when i went to sit on a treestump and now I have just convinced my drunk self to walk home. l really only remember a few parts of me walking home. I remember the cold, I remember thinking “god dont let me fall” and “dont let me get hit by a car” because well in my town I live on a highway, its the only road into town from where I live. I cross the street when I thought it was safe, and I get 500ft from my house and the damn cab goes driving by so i flashed him down, and he pulled up and i kinda went off on him.
I was like wtf took you 45 minutes to get here? From the furthest point in the town closest to my house it is only at TOPS 20 minutes, and mind you that its a small town and 99% of the town closes short before or after 6pm 365. So anyways he asks me if I want a ride…i was like um naw dude I live right there. So he drove away kinda upset, but hey i didnt care. At that point I was frozen, my feet hurt, my knee hurt, and all i wanted to do was crawl into bed and sleep the sleep of the dead.

I grabbed a plastic bag, took off my clothes, and began to try and sleep. Now trying to sleep when the slightest movement makes you dizzy and makes the room spin is not easy to do. And then came the headache. I powered through that and woke up in the morning feeling fine but was hungrier than a 3rd world country child.

So over all I must say that my holiday season has been the best in probably the last 6-10 years. My Christmas was basically donated to me by friends and people around the community. One friend gave me a fake tree, another did lights and a tree topper, then people from a few facebook groups brought me over ornaments and other decorum. I was able to buy the few things that I wanted/needed for the people in my life. I got to go see the new Star Wars: The Force Awakens movie with a really good friend. My sister, niece, and I went to dinner at an Asian Buffet for our Christmas Dinner and we have declared that it will be our new Christmas Day tradition.  So all in all just thankful and happy.

I have some things that I want to try and accomplish this year. Beginning to date again, getting my house in order, getting a car, doing some traveling, and trying to work on myself again, and take up my old painting hobby. So yeah that is it pretty much in a nut shell. I hope you all were safe, and had a great holiday season too.